The Hatchets
by RedEyedWarrior
Summary: DJ learns a horrible truth: Chef is his father. DJ is now forced to live with Chef until he can live on his own. Crazy adventures await the brickhouse-with-a-heart and the short-tempered cook. Contains mild language and a lot of paragraphs unsuitable for children under 12.
1. Chapter 1

**This story idea has been in my head for long time, but until then, I didn't think I could pull it off. Well I did, so I hope you guys enjoy it, and can tolerate the mildly inappropriate content in this fic.**

**DISCLAIMER: **_**Total Drama**_** belongs to the writers of **_**Total Drama**_**. No offense to the writers, but if I did own **_**Total Drama**_**, there'd be no Gwuncan, there'd be far more development for Gidgette and characters like Noah, Eva and Ezekiel would have much more development. The show would also be inappropriate for children under 12.**

* * *

DJ and his momma were in the kitchen cooking the dinner together. They were having fun and enjoying their time together, when all of a sudden…

"Devon Joseph! That is not how you stir the stew!" DJ's momma snapped.

"Momma, I'm doing the best I could," DJ calmly protested.

DJ's momma slapped DJ on the face. "Don't you talk to yo momma like that!" she scolded. "Now start over!"

DJ sighed as he put on his oven gloves, picked up the pot and carried it over to the sink. DJ emptied the contents into the basin. This was not the first time his momma got angry with him like that, but he still didn't like it when she's angry. DJ returned with the newly scrubbed pot and placed it back on the hob. His mother was still glaring at him.

"I'm sorry, Momma," said DJ.

"It better not happen again," his momma threatened. They continued to cook the food, until DJ accidentally spilt some sauce on the hob. His momma smacked him again.

"Clean it up!" she ordered. DJ flinched, accidentally knocking the pot over in the process. The sauce spread all over the hob and some of it dripped over the edge of the cooker and onto the floor.

"Now look what you've just done!" DJ's momma shouted.

"I'll clean it up, I'll swear!" DJ shrieked.

"Darn right ya will! And then you're going to your room without any supper! But before you clean it up, it's time for your spanking!" DJ's mam went over to the drawer and pulled it open, where she whipped out a wooden spoon.

"No Momma, don't please!" DJ begged. "Please don't smack me!" DJ's momma ganged up on him, obviously not convinced by DJ's protests.

"That's what ya get for being a bad boy!" she scolded. Raising her spoon above her head. In an act of utter panic, DJ snatched the spoon out of his mother's hand and threw it out the window. To say that DJ's mother was furious would be an understatement.

"DEVON JOSEPH! I AM VERY ANGRY WITH YOU!" she screamed. "HOW DARE YOU DISOBEY YOUR OWN MOTHER LIKE THAT?!" DJ cowered in fear. He was too scared to respond. "ANSWER ME, DEVON JOSEPH! ANSWER ME OR I'M THROWING YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE!" DJ finally snapped.

"I'M EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD, MOMMA; STOP THREATING ME LIKE A CHILD!" he yelled. That did it for DJ's momma, however. She pointed her index finger towards the door and shouted:

"Get out!"

DJ was confused. "W-what?!"

"I SAID GET OUT!"

"But Momma-"

"Don't you Momma me! You're not my son anymore! Get out!"

"But will I go?!" DJ protested.

"That's not my pro-" DJ's mother paused. She smiled evilly and said: "Go with your father! You have an hour to pack, and then I want you gone. I'll leave you the address to your father's house."

* * *

Not a million miles away, Chef entered his bedroom and closed the door behind him. He smirked as he looked over at Josh, who was handcuffed to the bed. Chef stripped out of his apron, hat and shirt before climbing onto Josh. Josh didn't look too happy, however.

"Chef, you said you'd bring the cats!" Josh protested. "I want to have sex with you, AND I want to huff cats with you."

"AND I'm a man of my word," Chef smirked, digging into his pockets and removing from each pocket a small cat. Josh shrieked in delight. Chef unchained the catfight-lover and gave him one of the cats. But before they could proceed with what they were doing, the doorbell sounded. Chef huffed relentlessly.

"Oh great!" he huffed. "I bet that's Chris, telling me he's broken out of jail and that he wants to hide in my house."

"Why don't you answer the door and give him a piece of your mind?" Josh suggested. "I don't mind waiting. I'll still be hear when you get back."

Chef sighed. "Okay," he said, kissing Josh on the forehead before getting off of him. Chef put his shirt, apron and baker's hat back on and went downstairs to answer the door.

"Yes?!" he said, upon answering the door, before realising DJ was standing on the doorstep. "What are ya doing here, wimpy kid?!"

"Chef?!" shrieked DJ. "Y-you leave here?!"

"I'm standing at the door, ain't I?!" Chef scowled. "So go on! Tell me what ya doing here!"

"M-m-my M-M-Momma t-told me to c-come here," DJ stammered, handing Chef a letter. Chef scowled and shoved the letter away.

"I can't read, dumbass!" he snapped.

DJ flinched. "I-I'm sorry, but the letter says t-that I-I'm y-your-"

"My WHAT?!" Chef snapped.

"S-s-son." Chef could not believe what was happening, so he simply slammed the door on DJ's face and went back upstairs, only to see that Josh has escaped, along with the two cats. He found a note on his bed and scowled. He stumped back downstairs opened the front door. DJ was still standing there.

"Here, can you read this?!" he asked, shoving the note in DJ's face.

DJ sniffled before reading. "Ch-Chef, this is Josh. I t-took off with the c-cats. I know you're h-hot and stuff, but y-you can't read, and that turns me off, so s-see ya." Chef gritted his teeth. He was going to kill Josh. As much as he doesn't want an eighteen-year-old living with him, he could do with having someone to read for him. After all, Chef noticed that he and DJ do look sort of alike.

Suddenly, Chef remembered a holiday he had with Chris nineteen years ago to Los Angeles. He had sex with a very effeminate Jamaican dude who looked like a woman. Now, Chef wasn't' into effeminate men, but he made a bet with Chris that whoever shifted the most people would get a hundred bucks from the loser. Because Chris was bisexual, it was obvious he was going to shift more than Chef unless Chef put aside his pickiness. Even to this day, Chef was still unsure whether the Jamaican was a woman or a very effeminate dude, but either way, Chef did not enjoy that evening with the Jamaican.

"Get in the car," Chef hissed.

"W-where are we going?" DJ wondered, climbing into the front seat.

"To get our DNA tested!" Chef scowled, as if the answer was obvious. "You'd better pray you're my son, or else!" he added. DJ sank deep in his seat. He was not sure if Chef really was his father, but that was what his mother told him. He hoped she was right.

* * *

The drive to the DNA profiling centre was mildly traumatising for DJ. Apparently, Chef was not a good driver, as he ran over several pedestrians. Fortunately for Chef, because the pedestrians were jaywalking, and because the pedestrians were known along the town to be assholes, the police decided not to intervene.

The DNA tests revealed that Chef was in fact DJ's father. Chef was furious. He drove DJ all the way back to his mother's house, not to return DJ to her, but to give her a piece of his mind. He pounded on the door. DJ's momma answered the door and glared.

"Yes?!" she demanded.

"YOU BITCH!" Chef roared. "YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE JUST AN EFFEMINATE DUDE! HOW COULD YOU?!"

DJ's momma smirked. "Took ya long enough!" she sneered. "Nineteen years is an awful long time. Knowing you, I'm surprised you found out now rather than later. Have you learnt how to read yet?"

"Today I just learnt how to read the DNA results!" Chef snarled.

"I'm afraid DNA tests don't count," DJ's mother jeered.

"Well I found out that your son is my son!" Chef roared. "And you knew it all along! If I raised him, I would've made a man out of him, not like that pansy over there that would probably end up getting a sex-change operation!"

"It was for you to figure it out!" DJ's mother scowled. "I live only ten blocks from your house!"

"MOMMA!" DJ shrieked. "You told me my dad died of cystic fibrosis before I was born! And you told me that you've never practiced fornication!"

"I lied!" said DJ's momma coldly. "And yes, I've cross-dressed just to have sex with a gay man who I went to high school with. And I did that to get back at him for putting my boyfriend in the hospital!" she added, glaring at Chef.

"Well maybe you should've stopped yo boyfriend from calling me a fag!" Chef snarled back.

"Momma, you said you never left Jamaica before we moved here when I was four!" DJ whined.

"I lied!" said DJ's momma coldly. "I was on a holiday to California, and then to Jamaica with my friends! But I had to stay in Jamaica because I was pregnant with you and I couldn't afford to return to Canada until you were four! I was lying as punishment for you making my life a living Hell!" she added.

"Hey, you decided to get pregnant when you went in drag and asked me to sodomise ya!" Chef snarled. "If ya didn't want him, ya could've given him to me and I could've raised him!"

"Yeah?! Well you agreed to sodomise me even though effeminate men were not your type!" DJ's mam snarled back.

"I didn't notice that!"

"That's because you're an idiot! But hey, since you want him so much, why don't you go and take him away?! Raise him the way you would've raised him?!" And so DJ's momma slammed the door shut. Chef was furious. If the judge were to give him permission to kill any person he wanted, that person would be DJ's momma.

But Chef was not as angry as DJ. In fact, not only was DJ angry, he was hurt. He was upset. Chef went into the car and blew his horn to call DJ over. DJ heaved his heavy bones over to the car and slumped down into the passenger's seat. Chef drove back to his house. He was thinking about how he was going to raise DJ. Sure, DJ was old enough to move out, but in Chef's mind, DJ was not mentally strong enough to be trusted to live an independent live.

Chef was going to raise DJ to be a proper adult. Even if it was going to take him forever.

* * *

**Well there you have it. Sorry if this chapter was not as funny as it should have been. But rest assured, the next few chapters will be funnier and much more insane, and Chef will be contributing to this. Some of the characters like Courtney, Harold, Izzy, Chris, Blaineley, Sierra, Trent, Noah and a few others will make appearances, some may even become regular characters. Sorry if DJ's mother was way out of character in this fic, but that was necessary for the plot.**

**Until next time!**


	2. Chapter 2

**This is the chapter where this story becomes seriously funny… and somewhat disturbing. Enjoy!**

* * *

Chef pulled into his driveway and DJ followed him into the house. Chef led DJ upstairs and told him to pick a room, except for his. There were two other bedrooms besides Chef's, so DJ went into the room closest to Chef's room. To the horror of the brick-house, that room was full of dildos, pornographic magazines, pornographic DVDs and drugs. DJ tried out the other room, which had even more taboo stuff in it, along with an array of photographs of Chef killing and cooking up what looked like homeless people. On the bedside locker was a book entitled _How to Cook a Human_.

"So what room have you sleeping in?" Chef asked.

"A-are you a… a cannibal?" DJ asked.

"Yes," said Chef. "You've got a problem with that?"

"Well… humans are animals…" DJ began. "Isn't cannibalism illegal?" he asked.

"Not anymore," said Chef. "They legalised it two months ago to distract people from the controversy surrounding the reinstatement of the death penalty and judicial corporal punishment. I don't see any problem at all, because for some people to live, others must die. Most animals agree and they kill other animals for their meat, like bears, lions, tigers and snakes. So there's no logic to being a vegetarian."

DJ sighed. "I guess so," he replied. "I'll take the room closer to yours, because there's less dildos and porn in there. Think you can take all the stuff and put it in the other room?" he asked. Chef shrugged and helped DJ gather up all of the porn and dildos and put them in the other room.

DJ unpacked his suitcase in the now empty bedroom. While he was at it, he began to wonder why his mother didn't just give him to Chef. He also began to wonder how he was going to figure out how he was going to tell his friends. The news about his real father could get DJ kicked out of that Christian camp he was attending, but then again, Chef was never going to pay for DJ's attendance at such a camp, so DJ won't be going back to the camp. DJ didn't agree with the camp's bigoted views about Muslims, Jews, Atheists and other non-Christians anyway, but he kept that to himself out of fear of the camp's staff members having him burnt at the stake.

When he was finished unpacking, he lay on his new bed to continue to analyse the situation at hand. Then he heard Chef calling his name. DJ went downstairs to the kitchen where Chef was making dinner. Chef made him some vegetable stir-fry and rice. DJ appreciated it and the food was delicious. However, Chef insisted on bonding with DJ, and his idea of bonding was not exactly what DJ had in mind.

After dinner, Chef and DJ sat at the table. A knife lay right between them.

"Um… Chef, are you sure this is safe?" DJ wondered.

"Nonsense, even an idiot can do it," Chef replied, picking up the knife. _Or __**only**__ an idiot would do it_, thought DJ, as Chef placed his left hand plat on a table mat. Chef proceeded with the Knife Game, singing:

"_O_

"_I have all my fingers;_

"_The knife goes chop, chop, chop!_

"_If I miss the spaces in between_

"_My fingers will come off!_

"_AND if I hit my fingers,_

"_The blood will soon come out!_

"_But all the same_

"_I play this game_

"_Because that's what it's all about!_

"_O_

"_Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop!_

"_Chop! Chop! Chop!_

"_I'm picking up the speed!_

"_And if I hit my fingers then_

"_My hand will start to bleed!"_

Chef ended the tune with a stab of the mat, causing DJ to nearly jump out of his skin. He looked at his father, not sure whether to be amazed or horrified. Chef tossed the knife to DJ and said: "Your turn." DJ looked down at the knife in disbelief.

"M-my Momma s-says not to play with knives…"

"Yer momma never cared about you, DJ," Chef 'assured' his son.

"But it's dangerous," DJ protested.

"And you're a man," said Chef. "Well, at least biologically. Men do dangerous things."

"I-I've never played with knives before."

"There's always a first time."

"What if I bleed?"

"Nothing's easy the first time you try things."

"How come you have all your fingers?!"

"I practiced," said Chef.

"Look, can we do something else?" DJ asked. "Like, go fishing, and then throw the fish back into the lake." Chef burst out laughing. When he was finished, he turned to his son and said:

"Oh DJ, I'd hate to be the one to tell ya, but life ain't no Disneyland. Embrace the sadness and misery. I'd go fishing with ya, but only if you've got the balls to gut a fish. And eat it."

"Can we do something else?" DJ asked. "Like play football…" He was interrupted by a thundering storm outside. "Or maybe not…" said DJ, sheepishly.

"We could watch porn on the internet," said Chef.

"Isn't that wrong?" DJ wondered.

"As long as it's up on YouTube, it's legal," Chef assured his son. "Besides, without porn, how will we figure out what our deals are?"

"You found out what your deal is before there ever was internet access," said DJ.

"There were pornographic magazines back then," said Chef. "Before then, people just let society pick their deals for them, regardless of what deal they were born with, even though it don't make sense."

* * *

DJ didn't have a good evening that night. All Chef wanted to do was watch some porn and introduce DJ to porn. Chef managed to show DJ a few videos of men getting lap-dances. DJ would never admit it, but he liked the ones where the women gave the lap-dances than the ones where the men gave the lap-dances. However, he felt very guilty, and he covered his eyes most of the time.

DJ normally went to bed at eight thirty, but Chef was having none of it, and he forced DJ to watch _The Human Centipede _with him. Naturally, DJ hated it. The movie freaked the shit out of him, and at one point, DJ jumped into Chef's arms in terror. It turned out to be counterproductive, however, as it enabled Chef to physically force DJ to watch the movie by holding his head with his face facing the TV screen. It was half eleven by the time the movie was over. Finally DJ could go to bed.

Chef was looking forward to a night of masturbation. However, ten minutes after climbing into bed fully naked, there was a knock on his door.

"WHAT?!" he shouted.

"I-I'm s-scared!"

"You're eighteen years old!"

"I'm still scared!"

"Tough! Just go to bed!"

"What if I have nightmares?!"

"Wouldn't you have nightmares even if you slept in my bed?!"

"At least then I'd have someone else to comfort me when it happens!"

"Look, just go to bed and masturbate or something! That would get you to sleep faster!"

"But Momma says it's immoral to masturbate!"

"What have I told you about lettin' yer momma to manipulate ya?!"

"But my local priest says it as well, and so too do the people at my Bible camp!"

"What did ya expect form a Bible camp?! Those 'Christians' are trying to manipulate ya as well!"

"It's your fault I'm scared! You made me watch the movie! And besides, don't you want what most parents experienced?! Comforting their children?!"

Chef huffed relentlessly. He was starting to regret taking DJ under his wing. He knew was losing this battle. With a sigh, he shouted: "Fine! Just wait until I open the door! Don't ask why, since you're so – what's the word I'm looking for?! Oh yeah – 'Christian'!" Chef went to the bathroom to clean himself up, then he went to the drawer to put his boxers on. He decided DJ would not be comfortable co-sleeping with a half-naked man roughly thirty years older than him, especially if that man was his father. After putting on his pyjamas, which he wears only during the months with an 'r', Chef begrudgingly answered the door. He glared at DJ and said:

"Tomorrow I'm going to lay down some ground rules," he hissed. "If this night becomes a living Hel for me, tomorrow will be a living Hell for you." DJ nodded in fright. He climbed into bed with Chef. DJ fluffed his pillow and laid down. Chef laid down next to him. To Chef's surprise, DJ snuggled up to him. Chef rolled his eyes and pushed DJ aside. Then DJ, who fell asleep, rolled over and onto Chef. Chef pushed him back to the side. DJ rolled back onto Chef. Every time Chef pushed DJ off of him, DJ would roll back on. Not only did this make Chef worry about when he will ever go to sleep, or **if** he will get any sleep, it also made him worry how his son is going to manage if he gets married or moves in with his girlfriend, assuming he got one. At least DJ doesn't snore.

* * *

The next morning, Chef awoke to find himself on the floor and to find DJ lying on top of him. Again! Chef thought that it better be after ten o'clock, because it felt like two in the morning when he managed to get to sleep. Chef held DJ up as he stood up, with the brick-house still in his arms. Chef looked at the clock. It was only 7:28. This made Chef want to shake his son awake and beat the shit out of him. But then Chef remembered that since DJ was no longer a child, he could get arrested just for spanking DJ in the clothed ass with his bare hand.

Chef placed DJ back on the bed and climbed in after him. On one hand, Chef was happy that he missed the part when DJ was a baby. He imagined that if dealing with an eighteen-year-old cry-baby pussy-flower like DJ was bad enough, minding a baby at night would be a lot more stressful and unpleasant. Then Chef looked at his son's face. He realised that if he did raise DJ right from the start, his son would have been done with his childhood behaviour a long time ago.

After all, DJ's momma was to blame for DJ being a total wuss. Chef decided that if one day DJ starts acting like an adult and becomes successful, DJ's momma would realise what a waster she is, she'll be depressed and feel like a waste of oxygen and Chef will have his revenge.

Suddenly, DJ awoke. "You awake," he asked.

"Yes," said Chef.

"Good, can you change my diaper for me now?"

Chef was horrified. His mother seriously screwed her son up. At least Chef knew what he was going to do today.

* * *

**So what do you guys think of it now? Chef's a cannibal, tried to get his son to play the Knife Game with him, forced DJ to watch the Human Centipede and now his son is eighteen years old yet he's still not toilet-trained (and he still couldn't change himself)! Kinda reminiscent of **_**My Unwanted Son**_** by I'll Cover Angel and Collins, dontcha think? Oh yeah, and I had to throw in a reference to the Knife Game. I first saw it on that Ted movie, but I first heard _the Knife Game Song_ on an episode of _YouTubers React_ by the Fine Brothers. In case anyone was wondering, _the Knife Game_ and _the Knife Game Song_ are obviously in the public domain, and _YouTubers React_ belongs to the Fine Brothers. You should check out their videos. They're awesome.  
**

**I suppose the first sentence of the sixth-last paragraph was a bit suggestive… much like the rest of the paragraph and some of the paragraphs preceding it. Anyway, the next few chapters will be a little crazier, especially when some of the other characters make a few appearances. Guess who Chef and DJ's neighbours are going to be? Heh-heh. Wait until I upload the next chapter!  
**

**I'm having fun writing this story. I plan to have it run for a long time. I love all the reviews I'm getting. Oh yeah, and if you haven't read I'll Cover Angel and Collins' story that I mentioned above, go on and read it. Trust me: you'll piss your hole laughing before you've even read the fifth chapter.  
**

**Until next time!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you all to those who've reviewed: I'll Cover Angel and Collins and ferguson97. You guys are awesome! Your reviews have brought a big smile to my face *smiley face*. Anyway, since it is father's day, I've taken the liberty to update.**

* * *

There was a knock on the door. Chef scowled and answered it. He hated having visitors unless he was allowed to shift them, but there was no guarantee that a horny fella who thought that Chef was hot and who would have sex with Chef for free would be the one knocking on Chef's door.

"What do you want?" asked Chef.

Chris and Courtney stood at the door. "Morning Chef," Chris chirped. "Yesterday, I saw DJ at your doorstep with a shitload of luggage. Are you guys in a relationship or something?"

"Chef, who's at the door?" DJ asked, sticking out his head.

"Oh DJ, you could do so much better in the boyfriend department," said Courtney, rolling her eyes.

"No, I'm straight," DJ replied. "Chef is my dad."

"WHAT?!" shrieked Chris. He flashed his usual sadistic grin. "No way! That is awesome!" he chortled.

"What's so awesome about that?!" Chef demanded.

"You shifted DJ's mother!" Chris chuckled. "And you're gay to the point of borderline heterophobia!"

"What?!" shrieked DJ. He glared at Chef. "Chef, you're a heterophobe?! How could you?! I didn't chose to be straight!"

"Just get inside!" Chef muttered.

"Is it because you're ashamed of your son because of his sexuality?!" DJ sobbed.

"No, I just think you're too naïve!" Chef roared. "Just go to your room!"

"You're so mean!" sobbed DJ, running up the stairs. Chris was on the floor laughing at this point.

"It's not funny?!" Chef snarled.

"Yes it is!" Chris laughed. "You shifted a woman while we were in California! And I still beat you!"

"I thought she was a guy!" Chef roared. "The bitch was in drag! She knew DJ was my son all a long but she just moved ten blocks from here and raised him to be a cry-baby pussy-flower!"

"Well now you're son is traumatised!" Courtney scolded. "If you want to toughen him up, you'd better be nice to him while you're at it!"

"You say that, but you're the biggest bitch here!" Chef scolded.

"Yeah, well I make exceptions for Chris, and if I against all odds had children, I'd be nice to them as well!" Courtney scolded. "You were never nice to anyone, not even to DJ!"

"I made an alliance with him, didn't I?!" Chef scolded back.

"And you threatened him with physical violence several times!" Courtney pointed out. "Seriously, what happened to DJ's mother that she's not raising him anymore?! Did you threaten a judge to give custody of DJ to you on the pain of a missing arm?!"

"No, you wouldn't believe what DJ's momma's really like," Chef scowled, rolling his eyes.

"Man, I should go pay her a visit," Chris chuckled.

"Oh no you don't," Courtney scolded. "I don't want you going around putting your nose in other people's business."

"Tell ya what," Chris smiled, "we visit DJ's momma first, then we visit Gwen and Duncan!"

"Deal!" Courtney smirked, looking forward to making Gwen and Duncan's life a living Hell. The couple left in Chris's car. Chef hated living next door to Chris and Courtney. They would make a racket with all the fighting and screaming some nights, keeping Chef awake, and Chris was always looking in at Chef through the windows of his house. Chris and Chef have been enemies since the middle of _Total Drama: Revenge of the Island_. Yet that didn't deter Chris and Courtney from moving into the house next door two months ago.

Chef went inside and closed the door shut. Today was a rotten day. He had a tough time teaching DJ how to use the toilet, and the bathroom is still a mess from earlier. This was not helped by the fact that DJ was afraid of the toilet because of the noise it made when it's flushed.

* * *

Chef went into DJ's room. DJ was sitting on his bed, drawing pictures of animals into his sketchbook. Chef rolled his eyes and said: "DJ, we need to talk."

DJ began to worry. "Am I in trouble," he asked.

"How should I know?" was Chef's reply. "Did you kill someone?"

"No."

"You're fine then." Chef sat down on the bed. "Look kid, you're eighteen years old. Shouldn't you be acting like an eighteen year old?"

"How do you mean?" DJ asked, crawling onto Chef's lap.

"That's what I mean," Chef grunted, rolling his eyes. "You still wear diapers."

"But astronauts, divers and guards wear them," DJ protested.

"That's because they have to work long hours," Chef told him. "You don't have a job, and you have a healthy bladder. Most people are potty-trained by the age of three or four. You're still afraid of loud noises, the dark and the bogeyman, who does not exist. Can you tie your shoelaces?"

"What are shoelaces?" asked DJ.

"Well, now there's another thing for you to learn. Is there anything your mother has thought you?"

"Well, she's thought me love and respect," said DJ. "That's really all I need."

"I'd hate to break it to ya, but love and respect is not enough," Chef snickered. "Ever heard of bullies? Scumbags? Criminals? Sometimes you've got to be tough and fierce in order to survive. In fact, I was proud of you for standing up to in Total Drama Action."

DJ's ears pricked up. "Really?"

"It proved to me you've still got a backbone," said Chef. "Well... at least something similar to a backbone. You have a lot of toughening up to do if you want to survive in the real world."

"Okay, Chef," said DJ, hugging Chef.

"Good," Chef smiled. "Now get off of me. I'm here to raise you, not sex you up."

* * *

It was a very tough day for DJ and Chef alike. Chef spent two hours teaching DJ how to tie his shoelaces. Afterwards, DJ wanted to do something fun with his father, so Chef and DJ sat at the kitchen table and drew pictures. DJ drew a picture of Chef and DJ together with a rainbow in the background, while Chef drew a picture of a snake eating another snake while the later eats another snake, while that snake is eating a human. Afterwards, Chef taught DJ how to ride a bike, but DJ vowed never to ride a bike again after the two cycled dawn a ravine and landed in a bed of nettles.

After recovering from their nettle stings, Chef took DJ fishing. Because DJ was new to this, Chef allowed DJ to just throw the fish he caught back into the lake. Chef also reframed from gutting the fish because he was aware that DJ was still squeamish. Sadly, Chef swung his fishing rod with so much force, when he swung backwards he caught a hunter who just happened to be passing by with the hook caught in one of his nostrils, and when Chef swung forwards the hunter went sailing through the air. The hook ripped right through the hunter's nose and he landed right on the over-head power-lines half a mile away, electrocuting the hunter in the process. As the hunter had one of his fingers on the trigger of his riffle, he was shooting his rifle while he was being electrocuted. Bullets were being fired at several passers-by. For every bullet that was fired, a passer-by was killed, and there were thirty-seven bullets in the cartridge before the hunter slammed onto the electricity wires. One of the passers-by fell onto the road. A driver saw he corpse and, thinking the recently-deceased passer-by was just unconscious and therefore still alive, swerved, crashing into a petrol and diesel station, resulting in an explosion that claimed twenty-four lives in addition to the driver's life and the lives of the four passengers in his car. Two policeman rushed to the scene, believing that it was the hunter who initiated the chaos. Oblivious to the hunter's electrocution, the two cops seized him in an effort to hold him up, only to get electrocuted as well.

Naturally, Chef and DJ were oblivious to what had happened half a mile away. When they found out about the chaos while watching the news later that evening, DJ prayed for the souls of all those that died. Nobody knows who or what was really behind the action.

* * *

On his way to bed, Chef went in to DJ's room to check on his son. DJ lay wide awake. "You should turn off the lights," Chef deadpanned, switching off the light. "You'll fall asleep faster."

"Chef, can you tell me a story?" DJ asked.

"You don't need a story to fall asleep," Chef huffed. "You're eighteen years old. Just masturbate."

"Yes, but I want to know what it's like for you to tell me a story," DJ insisted. "Please?!" He begged.

Chef sighed. "Fine," said Chef, sitting down on DJ's bed. Suddenly, a sick story idea came to mind. He told DJ a story about all of the former contestants hanging out at Playa des Losers when Owen went insane and ate everyone at the resort alive until he exploded to death. This caused DJ to faint, but because he was sleepy and in bed, it didn't really matter. Chef smirked and waved his hand in front of DJ's face.

"DJ… DJ…" Chef whispered.

No response.

That was easier than I thought, thought Chef, walking out of the room smiling to himself.

* * *

**So what do you think of Chef's parenting skills? For someone who's only been a father for two days, I think that is very impressive. Chef would certainly do a much better job than Chris McLean, that's for sure. Oh, and I almost forgot: Chef's story is a reference to one of my other stories: _Ocrais_. That story will definitely be completed before the month ends.  
**

**Finally I've added another two characters to the cast of this story. More will be featured, especially Trent, who will debut in chapter nine. Some of the hilarious characters will appear in the next chapter, so that's another thing to look forward to.**

**Happy Father's Day!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm back! I must warn you guys before reading this chapter that a lot of curse words have been spoken. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!**

* * *

Chef woke up and stretched and yawned. He climbed out of bed, put on his bathrobe and went downstairs to have some breakfast. On his way to the kitchen, Chef noticed noises coming from the sitting room. Chef opened the door to see DJ sitting on the couch with a bowl of cereal. He was watching _My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic_ on the telly.

"I didn't know you were a brony," said Chef. DJ paused the TV show and asked:

"What's a brony?"

"A guy who likes _My Little Pony_," said Chef. "I'm a brony too."

"So you're not mad at me?" DJ asked hopefully.

"Why would I be?" Chef asked. _"Friendship Is Magic_ is one of my favourite shows. I watch it almost every day." He sat down on the chair next to the couch and said: "Can you rewind back to the start? This is my favourite episode."

DJ obeyed, but he had a question he wanted to ask. "Okay, but shouldn't you have breakfast first?" he asked Chef

"I'll have it letter," said Chef, dismissively.

"But breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

"Not for me! The most important meal of the day is the meal I put the most work into preparing, and that meal is dinner!" DJ shrugged. He decided there was no point in trying to convince Chef to get up and have his breakfast before watching cartoons, especially when Chef doesn't give a shit about routine. DJ and Chef had a great time watching _Friendship Is Magic_. After the show was over, Chef asked DJ for the remote and went into the DVR planner to watch a few more episodes of _Friendship Is Magic_ that he recorded.

After watching all of the episodes on the DVR, DJ checked the time. He gasped.

"Chef, it's half ten in the morning," DJ stated. Chef rolled his eyes.

"I'm rarely up by half ten in the morning," he replied.

"So are we just gonna sit there and watch TV all day?"

"Today is **Sunday**, DJ," Chef snickered. "We ain't got no schedules today."

"But what about church?" DJ asked.

"What **about** church?"

"Don't you go to church every Sunday?"

Chef burst out laughing. He continued to laugh until DJ gave him concerned looks. Chef calmed down and said: "I have better things to do than go to church."

"All you're doing is watching TV," DJ pointed out. "Don't you wanna thank God for all the good in your life?"

Chef rolled his eyes. "I don't believe in God, or any god for that matter," he scoffed.

DJ was horrified. He could not believe it. His Momma always told him that there's a god called God. He thought it was common sense that God exists. In fact, DJ relied on God to carry him through tough times and he believed that God was the only reason why the Big Bang occurred or why DJ has not gone insane from all of the hardships he's endured… not that his peers considered him to be sane.

"Y-you d-don't believe in g-God?!" DJ spluttered. "WHY?!"

"Listen DJ, if there is a God, then how come my life sucks?" Chef questioned. "How come there's suffering and evil everywhere?"

"But Chef, if life wasn't like that, then what would be the point in going to Heaven?"

"There is none."

"Yes there is!"

"There's no evidence."

"Some people have had near death experiences!"

"They were hallucinating because of the lack of oxygen!"

"But what about that blind woman who had a near death experience who was able to describe every detail of the hospital room she was in?!"

"Now you're just making stuff up."

"It was on the news!"

"Then the **news** was making stuff up."

"But-"

"The media ain't always right, DJ. People lie."

"Then how do I know that you're not lying?"

"I'm your father! You have to believe everything I tell you!"

"Well I believe in God, and if you won't go to church, I'll go myself!" DJ stood up and went to the kitchen to put his dish, spoon and glass in the dishwasher. Chef rolled his eyes, believing that his son was a moron. He hated going to mass. He hated listening to the priest as he spews random shit about divorce, homosexuality, condoms, masturbation, porn, abortion, euthanasia, the death penalty, cloning, stem-cell research, fornication, blasphemy and sectarian violence. He hated all of that standing, sitting and kneeling. But most of all, he hated having to put up with children screaming and crying while their retarded parents just sat on their arses, completely oblivious to all of that shouting, wailing, pushing, shoving and bawling that is happening right in front of him.

The last time Chef went to mass was the first Sunday after his Confirmation. It was boring at its best, but there were only a few minutes of it not being boring. The children in the pew in front of him were having a row. The row escalated quickly, when the older kid shoved the other off the pew, causing the younger child to wail. He father finally had had enough and he slapped his son. The son began to wail. When the father's wife gave him the death glare, and when he realised that what he did was wrong, he too began to wail. The mother was forced to take her husband and two sons outside, where she slapped them as well. Chef and his parents could hear the slap because they were sitting by the door and when the father and sons came back in, they looked extremely traumatised. When the mother came in, she shot everyone death glares to indicate that this was none of their business and they probably would've done the same. Chef vowed never to go to mass again upon returning home. Conveniently, he turned thirteen a week ago, and his parents could finally trust him to stay home alone, so they allowed him stop going to mass at an early age.

DJ re-entered the sitting room. He was now dressed in his Sunday clothes, which consisted of a pair of grey pants, a grey jacket worn over a lime-green shirt and a grey tie. The gentle giant got on his knees and held his clasped hands before Chef.

"Please, please come to church with me!" he begged.

"Aw, for the love of… FINE!" Chef snapped.

"YAY!" DJ beamed, jumping into Chef's lap in delight. Chef rolled his eyes. This was going to be the longest hour of his life since he was thirteen. He went upstairs to have his shower, shave and then put on his suit, which consists of a white shirt, brown pants, brown jacket and brown tie.

* * *

At mass, Chef wanted to sit as far away from parents with small children as possible. The cathedral had two balconies where the congregation could set, in addition to another balcony for the choir. Chef and DJ sat in one of the balconies. They sat quietly on a pew, anxiously waiting for the priest to start the mass.

Then Harold and his family showed up and the picked the same pew Chef and DJ were sitting on. Harold's family consisted of himself (obviously), his mam, his dad, his older sister, his brother-in-law and his niece.

"You go to this mass too?!" Harold asked.

"Yes," DJ replied. "I go there every Sunday. This is the first time I've seen you here."

"Yeah, the priests in all of the other churches we went to are idiots," Harold replied.

"Or maybe Harold wouldn't stop screaming advice to the priest and belittling him," Harold's father murmured, as he helped his son-in-law to calm the screaming baby down. Chef covered his ears with his hands in frustration. Harold, who didn't comprehend what his father said, noticed Chef's presence and asked:

"Is Chef your new boyfriend?" Chef heard what Harold said and opened his mouth to scream at the lanky dweeb, but DJ – oblivious to Chef's reaction – spoke up first.

"No," DJ replied. "I found out a few days ago he's my dad. I moved in with him because Momma kicked me out."

"Does she go to church as well?" Harold asked.

"I think so," said DJ, scratching his head. "She claims she goes to mass at around half ten every morning. I go at twelve. I don't know why we never went to the same mass." Chef refrained from telling DJ that his mother never went to mass with him because she doesn't like him, and that she probably doesn't go to mass anyway. Chef knew he wasn't going to be heard over the baby's screams.

"Didn't you say you have more siblings?" DJ asked.

"Yes, but they don't go to church anymore," Harold explained. "My parents still go out of habit. My sister and brother-in-law still go because they visit us every weekend and they want to spend time with Mom and Dad. My niece goes because she cannot be left home alone and they want to introduce her to Christianity to see if she likes it. I go to see if Christianity can be revived."

"How do you mean?" DJ asked.

"Well, Catholic priests are such idiots in general," Harold explained. "If this priest is an idiot, I will have to correct him, and if he continues to be an idiot, then I can't go to this church anymore. There will be no more Roman Catholic churches in this town for me to go to, so I will have to start inspecting the Orthodox Christian churches. I'm pretty sure their priests are even bigger idiots in general than Catholic priests," Harold added, shrugging.

"Maybe you shouldn't correct them," DJ suggested. "I don't agree with their teachings about divorce, homosexuality, eternal condemnation and several other issues, but I'm still Catholic and I still refrain from correcting them."

"DJ, you shouldn't be letting idiots continue to be idiots," Harold explained. "It's unethical and immoral. Intelligent but evil people may take advantage of them."

"Harold, not every religion is a hundred percent accurate," DJ pointed out. "I just picked Catholicism because it is more in line with my beliefs. I still don't agree with everything it preaches, but is not a religion or religious denomination out there that I fully agree with. And some priests out there only say these things so they won't get excommunicated, or to see if their congregations than think logically and independently."

Before Harold respond, the priest spoke into the microphone. Mass has started. Harold's niece has finally stopped crying and has falling asleep in her father's arms. The first twenty-five minutes were so uneventful, Chef came very close to falling asleep. He would've fallen asleep if there was no advice being shouted to the priest.

"MASTURBATION IS NOT IMMORAL! IT'S AN IMPORTANT METHOD OF DETERMINING ONE'S SEXUAL ORIENTATION AND IT CAUSES ORGASMS, WHICH ARE GOOD FOR OUR HEALTH! CURSE YOUR BLATANT IGNORANCE OF HUMAN SEXUALITY! GOSH!" Harold shouted. The priest ignored him, although Harold's outburst did trigger several chortles among the congregation.

"FORNICATION IS NOT A SIN! HUMAN REPRODUCTION HAS EXISTED LONG BEFORE THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE WAS ESTABLISHED! CURSE YOUR BLATANT IGNORANCE OF THE NATURAL HISTORY OF OUR SPECIES! IDIOT!" Harold shouted. The priest ignored him, although Harold's outburst triggered several more chortles among the congregation.

"PROFANITY IS IN NO WAY BLASPHEMOUS! IN FACT, CURSING AND SWEARING INCREASES PAIN TOLERANCE BY FIFTY PERCENT! CURSE YOUR-"

"SHUT UP, HAROLD! JUST SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" the priest finally roared. "I DON'T AGREE WITH THIS BULLSHIT ANY MORE THAN YOU DO, BUT REGARDLESS I HAVE TO PREACH THEM ANYWAY IN ORDER TO KEEP MY GODDAMN JOB! NOW YOU CAN EITHER SHUT THE FUCK UP OR YOU CAN JUST PISS OFF!"

The entire congregation erupted with laughter. This pissed the priest off even more so than Harold's rants.

"SHUT UP ALL OF YOU AND PAY A-FUCKING-ATTENTION! UNLESS YOU WANT ME TO EXCOMMUNICATE ALL OF YOU BASTARDS FROM THE CATHOLIC CHURCH!" the priest snarled.

"SEE?!" Harold shouted. "DO YOU FEEL BETTER NOW FATHER?!" he asked. He was simply asking the priest an innocent question, but the priest and everyone else in the church interpreted it as Harold being cheeky. The crowd went wild again. The priest went insane.

"THAT'S IT! I WANT EVERYONE TO FUCK OFF!" he shouted. The congregation fell silent. "I SAID FUCK OFF!" The priest was growing more impatient. The congregation remained seated. "FUCK OFF! FUCK OFF! FUUUUUUUUUUUUCKK OOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFF!" Finally, every man, woman and child in the congregation stood up and slowly shuffled out of the church in the midst of murmurs about what a tool the priest was. DJ was upset to be forced to leave the church before mass was over, but he kept quiet about the fact. He know how most of everybody else felt. Chef, however, kept chuckling as he followed DJ out of the church.

"Chef, that's not funny," DJ hissed.

"Yeah it is," Chef replied. "It's always funny when a priest goes bat-fuck insane."

"I HEARD THAT!" came a voice from behind Chef. Chef turned around to face the priest.

"Uh, can I help you Father?" Chef demanded, obviously not interested that the priest was furious with him.

"You'd better not think this is funny!" the priest snarled. "And are you that young man's father?! Because if you are, you'd better be married to his mother! I've never seen you in mass before!"

"That's cos I was never married to the boy's mother," Chef replied. "I just shifted her this one time because she was disguised as a dude nineteen years ago."

"WHAT?!" shrieked the priest. "You've engaged in the deadly sin of fornication?! And you've engaged in the deadly sin of homosexual sexual activity?!"

"Yes, yes I did," Chef boasted. "And I'm proud of who I am. You're just jealous because you're not allowed to shift, otherwise you'd lose your job." The priest lunged for Chef, only to be pounced on by Izzy.

"Izzy wants to have sex with a priest!" Izzy chirped. "After all, Izzy could do with some man-love after shagging five nuns!" Five nuns walked by. They noticed Izzy, waved and said in a seductive tone:

"Heeeeeeey, Izzzzzzaaaaaayy!"

"Heeeeeeey, nuns!" Izzy replied. Ignoring the priest's kicking and screaming, Izzy dragged him into the church. Chef rolled his eyes and said to DJ:

"Now I know why most Catholics don't go to mass."

* * *

**And wraps up another chapter for **_**The Hatchets**_**. So what do you guys think of Harold's debut? What do you think of Izzy's debut? And what do you think of the priest's actions in this chapter? I can assure you that most priests are not like that. Most of them. I feel this chapter is significant because DJ comes across to me as the type of character who would practice his religion, and also because I'm one of the very few eighteen-year-olds in Ireland that actually go to mass, I do so out of habit. Believe me, most Catholics in Ireland don't bother practicing their religion at all! Didn't see that coming, did ya?!**

**Updates remain a priority. I might update my other stories before publishing the next chapter of this story. The next chapter will be crazier than this.**

**Until next time!**


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm back from my hiatus. Anyway, a character is out-of-character in this chapter. Furthermore, another character from the show makes a debut. Anyway, on with the story.**

* * *

Upon returning home from mass, Chef and DJ saw Chris and Courtney relaxing in the latter couple's front garden. They were sitting in loungers drinking soda and listening to Daft Punk. Chris lifted up his sunglasses when he noticed his neighbours and waved his hand.

"Wow Chef! I never knew you were the religious type!"

Chef looked over at Chris and scowled. "My son is. He wanted me to come with him to mass to see if there was any chance of me becoming a born-again Christian."

"I only wanted you to come because it was a family occasion," DJ protested. "If you were Jewish and were going to the synagogue or if you were Islamic and were going to the mosque, I'd go with you."

"That's part of the reason why I didn't want to go," Chef pointed out, rolling his eyes. "Samurai Boy's family came over and sat next to us. Samurai Boy corrected the priest and the priest went ape-shit. He told everyone to piss off."

Courtney rolled her eyes. "Typical of Catholic priests who are not Irish," she smirked. "The Irish ones are better, because in spite of the growing secularism in Ireland these priests understand their communities better than any other priests."

"And that's only because these priests and their congregations have watched _Father Ted_," Chris smirked.

"So what have you guys been up to?" DJ asked.

"We went to see Gwen and Duncan yesterday," said Courtney. "But apparently, we only saw Gwen. Duncan abandoned her to join the priesthood last week, she told us. She just got over it and wants to move on. She did apologise for everything that has happened on _Total Drama: World Tour_. She even baked us a cake."

"It was delicious, but only Courtney can make cakes that I can get addicted to," said Chris, smirking.

"Wait a minute…" said DJ. "That priest at the mass did look a bit like Duncan…"

"Oh my God!" Chris laughed. "You can't be serious! Duncan just went ape-shit in front of two hundred people!"

"Fuck you, McLean!" snarled a familiar voice. Chef, Chris, Courtney and DJ turned their heads to see the same priest from earlier. He had escaped from Izzy's advances, but his robes were a wreck from all that running and trashing around the church. To say that he was furious would be an understatement. In fact, it would be an understatement to say that the priest was on the verge of insanity.

"Duncan?!" Courtney gasped.

The priest ignored her and pointed at Chef. "YOU!" he roared.

"Me?!" Chef sneered.

"YEAH YOU! THAT IZZY BITCH WAS HARASSING ME BECAUSE YOU DISTRACTED ME, YOU ASSHOLE!"

"Well it serves you right," Chef grunted. "After all you've done. Bullying Samurai Boy. Ruining Gwent. The love triangle. The only reason yer not on my hit list is cos ya blew up Mount Chrismore."

Chris glared at Chef before glaring at Duncan. Courtney spoke up. "Seriously, Duncan? You had a tantrum and threw everyone out of the cathedral? A public building?"

"YOU STAY OUT OF IT YOU C***-IN-TRAINING!" Duncan snarled.

"Now I am glad Gwen stole him from me," Courtney huffed.

Chris smirked. "Is it because you have me now?"

Courtney blushed. "Shut up!"

"Denial as always, eh Court?" Chris smirked. Courtney elbowed Chris in the arm. But she knew he was right. She probably would never have settled for Chris had she still been with Duncan.

"What happened between you and Gwen?" DJ asked.

"Don't you dare bring up that skank!" Duncan howled. "Her cooking was never good enough! She continued her friendship with Bridgette! She made me have shower every day and she confiscated my beer! Worse, she never even supported my ambitions to become a Catholic priest!"

"That's because Catholic priests are not supposed to be in a relationship unless they were married before converting to Catholicism," DJ pointed out.

"Yeah, but if I'm a Catholic priest I could have all the casual sex I could ever ask for and my colleagues would gladly cover me up if anyone who didn't like me found out!" Duncan scolded.

Suddenly, the bishop showed up and said: "Father Duncan, you have been excommunicated from the Church. Every other religion has heard about you so now only two religions would accept you: Mormonism and the Jehovah's Witness." The bishop left.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" wailed Duncan. He glared over at Chef, DJ, Courtney and Chris. "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" he roared, withdrawing a sword from his robes and running towards Chef, DJ, Courtney and Chris.

Only to get tripped by Izzy.

"HA! Thought you could escape Izzy, huh?! Well no one can escape E-Scope! E-Scope always comes back!" Izzy chirped. She proceeded to drag Duncan away.

"LET GO OF ME!" Duncan ordered, but Izzy ignored him. They disappeared into the horizon. Courtney rolled her eyes at this and packed up her things.

"I'm going inside to watch TV," she spat. "I'll need it to take my mind off of that little display we just saw."

"Yeah, being indoors could do me some justice as well," said Chris. "Oh, and Courtney: I bet ya I could make a better cake than Gwen."

"Yeah right," Courtney sneered, but she and Chris both knew she didn't mean it. Chris laughed as the two brought their loungers and soda cans inside. DJ turned around to ask Chef what to do next, but Chef was already inside. DJ went in to see Chef making himself a sandwich in the kitchen. When Chef noticed DJ, he decided to make his son a sandwich as well.

* * *

After they had their sandwiches, Chef wanted to play the Xbox. DJ decided to give it a try.

Needless to say, DJ regretted that decision.

They were playing _Call of Duty: Black Ops_ and Chef kicked DJ's ass in the zombie mission. That was because DJ was frightened by the zombies. He begged Chef to put in a different game, so they played _Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3_. There were no zombies in the _Special Ops_, but DJ was nevertheless horrified by the bloody violence. Chef noticed this and said:

"You think this shit is disturbing?! Imagine fighting in a real war!"

"Have you actually been in a real war?!" DJ demanded.

"Yes! Of course! I've served in the Gulf War!"

"There are no jungles in Iraq!"

"Did I say anything about jungles?!"

"You did in _Basic Straining_. You even refused to answer Gwen when she asked what war you were in."

"Oh. That. I didn't want the public to know what war I was in. People living in Iraq could have been watching the show."

"I guess," said DJ. He turned back to face the screen and noticed that his avatar was down. Chef's avatar came over to help him, so DJ was finally able to move his avatar again. He proceeded to shoot some of the bad guys. Suddenly, DJ experienced a rush and he began to take the game a little more seriously.

He even cackled like a maniac. This made Chef uneasy. So he decided that they've played enough video games for today.

"AWW!" DJ groaned, when the mission was complete. "I want to kill more avatars!"

"I think you've played enough," said Chef, taking the controller out of DJ's hand.

"Give it to me!" DJ ordered, snapping back the controller.

"My Xbox! My rules!" Chef barked, snapping back the controller.

"It's not an Xbox! It's an Xbox **360**!" DJ grabbed onto the controller, but Chef refused to let go.

"Don't you dare act like Harold opposite yer father!"

"Gimme it!"

"No!"

DJ bit Chef's hand.

"OW! Oh, that does it," Chef hissed. He grabbed DJ, pulled him over his lap and spanked him. This prompted DJ to kick, scream and try to wrestle out of Chef's grip, but Chef had the strength of a silverback gorilla. When Chef was done, he tossed DJ over his shoulder and carried him to bed.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAHH! I HATE YOU! YOU'RE SUCH A MEANIE!" DJ wailed.

"Well I'm the best you've got!" Chef snarled. He left DJ on his bed and slammed the door shut on his way out. Chef was aware that his son was 18 now, but if DJ was going to act like a bratty child, Chef was going to treat him like one.

* * *

**There it is. Duncan was the one who made the debut, and the DJ was the one who was OOC. He might be back to normal in the next chapter, though. Might. But hey, finding out that one of your parents is a big scary person can do a lot to change someone. As for Duncan, well, I bet you didn't see that one coming, did ya?**

**Anyway, my next focus is another one of my stories that I haven't updated in a while. The next chapter for this story will definitely be up in the near future.**

**Until next time!**


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